I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Fuck appropriateness.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
