He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
