It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
