Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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