I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
