Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
