i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
