If i come over, it means nothing
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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