the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
