i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
