She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
