the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
