She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
