Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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