I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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