There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
