I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
