turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
