it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I forget how to act sober
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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