1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize