So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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