I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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