I want to have your abortion
I just cut my nipple shaving
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
