i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So vagazzling was a success
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