just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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