He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
