i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
