so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
