so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize