Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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