i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
