Im at strip club and am horny
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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