honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
