i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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