i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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