remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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