So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
