But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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