I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
