You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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