A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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