In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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