There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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