I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
