Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
