i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize