pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
