Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
