He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
