she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
