I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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