Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
