mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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