he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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