i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize