i was born a porn star she said
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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