When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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