I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
