i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize