I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
