Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
