Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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