I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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