a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
