I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
