I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
