get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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