You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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