I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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