I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
