I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
