No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
