Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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