i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
