Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
