I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
