we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I understand Curling. That high.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize