Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
