Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
