if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
