you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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