They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize