soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
