Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
