Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
