and i looked up. we had an audience...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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