meet me or not, i'm out of control
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
