I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
