u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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