god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
