Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
this hospital has no fireball
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?Â
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
