The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
