yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
