he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize