...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
