I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
