I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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