I accidentally burped into my bong.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
