I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
