Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize