; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
