Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
