this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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