Porn is love you can see.
I need to stop coming to work sober
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Randomize
